her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
