i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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