Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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