Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
