Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
