Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize