oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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