I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize