Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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