I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
