suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize