3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
