but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
