Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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