I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
