I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize