I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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