I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
