I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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