i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
