he shaved USA in his pubs
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
