Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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