He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
