when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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