like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
