Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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