So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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