What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize