i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
