I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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