I'm eating all of the evidence.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
