So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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