I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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