Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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