Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
