she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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