question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
