He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
