Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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