if you like me you must not know who I am
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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