I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We had to coat check the pizza.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
