My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
