he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You took a bar mat shot.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
ok first of all what the fuck
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
