i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
sex in a hospital.. check
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
