when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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