I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
