We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
