The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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