Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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