i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
