i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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