It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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