hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
