for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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