If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
there is puke in my bra ... again
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