Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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