I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
