sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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