I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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