Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
