Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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