Quick, to the slutcave!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
