its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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