I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize