He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
