what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
