First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
