I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
