Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize