I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Someone shit on the floor
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize