Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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