youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
