I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
