Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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