Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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