Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
