At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
