where am i from again
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
