so explain again why im purple
no
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
