I must be too annoying 4 u.
plz talk dirty to me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize