Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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