I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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