I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize