I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
