you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
