Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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